I LIVE.
So I've been the most MIA person for the past couple weeks. I promise I never forgot about this thing, I was just way too lazy to update it whenever I had a second of free time. This weekend, I don't have school on Monday, which means that I'll be furiously typing away at my NaNovel all day in between doing homework.
My computer monitor shakes on my desk whenever I type because this desk is a piece of shit, and I'm kind of worried that it might take off into space one of these days.
With NaNo looming on the horizon, I've been thinking. What makes thousands of people try to write a novel in November? For some people, I'm sure, they just want to write a novel to try to get it on the shelves. They're in it for the cash, rather than the words; the results rather than the process. But I don't feel like those people are a majority, or even a percentage worth mentioning. At least not with NaNo.
People write because they have to.
That's why I write.
They write because their hearts are seized by an idea that won't free them until they give it a voice, until they give it a life to return to their own.
Even though I've doubted myself and my story more times than I can count, I'm returning to it in a little less than eighteen hours, and I can't wait.
How many of you guys are doing NaNo?
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Mired in the Middle
Wow, it's been a long time. A really long time, even though, in the universe, a couple weeks isn't that long at all. Whenever I want to freak myself out, I think of the universe and how huge it is and how it's constantly expanding. I wonder what's beyond the universe. Does the universe expand into nothingness, transforming a void into the life of space and stars? Or is the universe nothing? Is it nothing expanding into nothing?
I already have a headache and I think I just made it worse with all of those astronomical, philosophical thoughts.
This weekend I decided that I'm going to continue working on Gunmetal Gray. I also just read a blog on the Nine Stages of Dating a Novel. Last November, I was in the squee! stage. Then it was the anticipation right before NaNo started. The second week of NaNo '10 was procrastination. Then it was me beating my creativity back into shape for the rest of the two weeks. I was somewhere in between squeeing and shouting expletives at my screen.
I was in the middle, where you just keep going because it's better to keep going than backtrack. It takes just as much energy to backtrack as it does to keep going forward, so there's no point in giving up once you're in the middle.
But I never realized that I've been in the middle ever since NaNo ended. I've procrastinated. I've shouted more expletives at my computer than my main characters know, which is saying something, considering they're marines. Then, come July, I was stolen away from Gunmetal Gray by a new idea: When the Storm Birds Fly. I tried to divide my attention between the two; WtSBF (lol, yay for long abbreviations) was shiny. It was new. It was gentler than GG. There was only a moderate amount of character death. A moderate amount of research to be done.
It was a hell of a lot easier to write than GG, but my heart wasn't in it.
I had an emotional affair with another novel. It's like when people go on Dr. Phil claiming that their email affairs aren't real affairs because no one screws anyone out of wedlock. But I removed myself emotionally from my story. I was writing, yeah, and it was alright. The grammar was correct, the spelling wasn't so bad, the plot didn't have too many holes that I couldn't patch over. The characters weren't terrible, either.
But it was never alone. I could always feel the characters of Gunmetal Gray waiting for me. Patiently. Lee and Cam, Todd and Ben, it didn't matter what I called them; they're still the same guys that I see in my head, doing the same things, living the same lives. Come midnight on Halloween this year, I'll have lived with them for a year. The idea behind them, though, is much older than that, at least by six months.
When Neil Gaiman wrote a pep talk for NaNo a few years ago, he mentioned calling up his agent and begging her to let him quit his current project. I don't remember which project it was and I'm too lazy to look it up, but he hated his characters. He thought his plot would never hold water. It would never sell. And the only thing his agent said was, "Oh, you're in that place again?"
I'm still in that place.
I'm still in the middle.
Gunmetal Gray and I, we have a history. We have emotions. We've got our problems, yeah, but we've worked through them before and we're stronger for it. I'm about to update my Novel Info on my NaNo profile with the cover I made for GG last year. I'm going to put up an excerpt from the prologue. And I'm going to write a goddamn synopsis of what I know my story to be as of right now, because I'm sure it's going to keep changing, just like it always does.
And I can't wait for it when it does.
I already have a headache and I think I just made it worse with all of those astronomical, philosophical thoughts.
This weekend I decided that I'm going to continue working on Gunmetal Gray. I also just read a blog on the Nine Stages of Dating a Novel. Last November, I was in the squee! stage. Then it was the anticipation right before NaNo started. The second week of NaNo '10 was procrastination. Then it was me beating my creativity back into shape for the rest of the two weeks. I was somewhere in between squeeing and shouting expletives at my screen.
I was in the middle, where you just keep going because it's better to keep going than backtrack. It takes just as much energy to backtrack as it does to keep going forward, so there's no point in giving up once you're in the middle.
But I never realized that I've been in the middle ever since NaNo ended. I've procrastinated. I've shouted more expletives at my computer than my main characters know, which is saying something, considering they're marines. Then, come July, I was stolen away from Gunmetal Gray by a new idea: When the Storm Birds Fly. I tried to divide my attention between the two; WtSBF (lol, yay for long abbreviations) was shiny. It was new. It was gentler than GG. There was only a moderate amount of character death. A moderate amount of research to be done.
It was a hell of a lot easier to write than GG, but my heart wasn't in it.
I had an emotional affair with another novel. It's like when people go on Dr. Phil claiming that their email affairs aren't real affairs because no one screws anyone out of wedlock. But I removed myself emotionally from my story. I was writing, yeah, and it was alright. The grammar was correct, the spelling wasn't so bad, the plot didn't have too many holes that I couldn't patch over. The characters weren't terrible, either.
But it was never alone. I could always feel the characters of Gunmetal Gray waiting for me. Patiently. Lee and Cam, Todd and Ben, it didn't matter what I called them; they're still the same guys that I see in my head, doing the same things, living the same lives. Come midnight on Halloween this year, I'll have lived with them for a year. The idea behind them, though, is much older than that, at least by six months.
When Neil Gaiman wrote a pep talk for NaNo a few years ago, he mentioned calling up his agent and begging her to let him quit his current project. I don't remember which project it was and I'm too lazy to look it up, but he hated his characters. He thought his plot would never hold water. It would never sell. And the only thing his agent said was, "Oh, you're in that place again?"
I'm still in that place.
I'm still in the middle.
Gunmetal Gray and I, we have a history. We have emotions. We've got our problems, yeah, but we've worked through them before and we're stronger for it. I'm about to update my Novel Info on my NaNo profile with the cover I made for GG last year. I'm going to put up an excerpt from the prologue. And I'm going to write a goddamn synopsis of what I know my story to be as of right now, because I'm sure it's going to keep changing, just like it always does.
And I can't wait for it when it does.
Friday, October 1, 2010
THE GREAT BIG BLOG POST OF EVERYTHING
HOMG, HOMG, HOMG, THE NANOWRIMO WEBSITE JUST RELAUNCHED. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING TO WORK ON THIS NOVEMBER. I NEED TO CHOOSE A STORY ALREADY SO I CAN PLAN IT AND WRITE IT AND I AM SO EXCITED, I LOVE NANO.
This is pretty much me right now. I'm so excited I can barely type. I'm almost more excited for this relaunch than I was for actually writing my novel this year. The two main contenders for NaNo are still Gunmetal Gray and When the Storm Birds Fly. Emmy (who pretty much was the first person ever to tell me I could write, ily bb) said that she thinks I should write Gunmetal Gray, because if I didn't I'd just be thinking of writing it anyway.
And she has a point.
But I'm still not sure.
I still don't have the confidence in my characters that I'd like to, and I can't decide if it's because I've "known" them for so long or if it's just because they really do need work. My characters are what I pride myself on; without characters, you don't have a story.
But this isn't the place for that right now, because I don't want to rant. Pretty much, this has been my week:
1. Organizing two schoolwide (K-12) charity events. I feel like I'm running a business and it's nuts. I have lunch meetings every day and I don't know if I like it or not.
2. Tests, tests, tests. I'm taking the PSAT in a week and a half. Shoot me now.
3. SCRIVENER FOR WINDOWS IS COMING OUT IN TIME FOR NANO. If you don't know what Scrivener is, google it. I'm too lazy to link it.
4. I went horseback riding on Monday and rode this crazy horse and ended up falling into the jump standard/wall as I was going over a jump. It was not fun and it hurt a lot and I'm still sore, but I went riding tonight and it was fine.
5. I have to work tomorrow.
6. Next weekend, I'll be at my Aunt's, hopefully planning NaNo for the whole weekend.
We're reading The Scarlet Letter in my English class. It's pretty good, and it's definitely an "American classic." So, I'll end this with a question: What makes something a classic?
This is pretty much me right now. I'm so excited I can barely type. I'm almost more excited for this relaunch than I was for actually writing my novel this year. The two main contenders for NaNo are still Gunmetal Gray and When the Storm Birds Fly. Emmy (who pretty much was the first person ever to tell me I could write, ily bb) said that she thinks I should write Gunmetal Gray, because if I didn't I'd just be thinking of writing it anyway.
And she has a point.
But I'm still not sure.
I still don't have the confidence in my characters that I'd like to, and I can't decide if it's because I've "known" them for so long or if it's just because they really do need work. My characters are what I pride myself on; without characters, you don't have a story.
But this isn't the place for that right now, because I don't want to rant. Pretty much, this has been my week:
1. Organizing two schoolwide (K-12) charity events. I feel like I'm running a business and it's nuts. I have lunch meetings every day and I don't know if I like it or not.
2. Tests, tests, tests. I'm taking the PSAT in a week and a half. Shoot me now.
3. SCRIVENER FOR WINDOWS IS COMING OUT IN TIME FOR NANO. If you don't know what Scrivener is, google it. I'm too lazy to link it.
4. I went horseback riding on Monday and rode this crazy horse and ended up falling into the jump standard/wall as I was going over a jump. It was not fun and it hurt a lot and I'm still sore, but I went riding tonight and it was fine.
5. I have to work tomorrow.
6. Next weekend, I'll be at my Aunt's, hopefully planning NaNo for the whole weekend.
We're reading The Scarlet Letter in my English class. It's pretty good, and it's definitely an "American classic." So, I'll end this with a question: What makes something a classic?
Sunday, September 26, 2010
On Anonymity
I spent last night (after waking up from a three hour nap...) staring at a wall when I wasn't staring at this screen. I put Crashed and Ghost of Me on repeat because they've become the themesongs of my latest idea (the one with Janus and Elliot and that creepy house). I wrote the titles of my favorite books in various Sharpie inks on green Post-It notes and put the Post-Its on my ceiling. My brothers promptly laughed that I'd done something so stupid.
It makes sense to me, though, to wake up and see my favorite books first in the morning. The titles I chose are The Road, The Gargoyle, Dear John, and Cross.
Those are all favorites because of separate reasons. I did notice one similarity between two of them, though. In both The Road and The Gargoyle, the main characters are unnamed. The characters of The Road are simply called "the man" and "the boy", while the main character of The Gargoyle never introduces himself to his readers. We know almost everything about those characters, except their names. So often names are chosen in some way to define a character. When they're gone, you (as a writer or a reader) can't define the character within the parameters of their name.
They could be anyone. Your best friend, neighbor, the dude who runs the flower shop across the street.
In Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art, Scott McCloud says that there's a reason why some arts portray their characters as more "iconic" or more realistic.
Archie is drawn less realistically than the Comedian. Archie can be any high school kid, struggling with high school issues. The Comedian can only be the Comedian. He'd be the Comedian without his mask and getup and he'd always act like the Comedian, no matter what universe we plunked him in. I don't know how Archie would act if he was taken from Riverdale and thrown into the universe of Watchmen.
It makes sense to me, though, to wake up and see my favorite books first in the morning. The titles I chose are The Road, The Gargoyle, Dear John, and Cross.
Those are all favorites because of separate reasons. I did notice one similarity between two of them, though. In both The Road and The Gargoyle, the main characters are unnamed. The characters of The Road are simply called "the man" and "the boy", while the main character of The Gargoyle never introduces himself to his readers. We know almost everything about those characters, except their names. So often names are chosen in some way to define a character. When they're gone, you (as a writer or a reader) can't define the character within the parameters of their name.
They could be anyone. Your best friend, neighbor, the dude who runs the flower shop across the street.
In Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art, Scott McCloud says that there's a reason why some arts portray their characters as more "iconic" or more realistic.
I think the same thing goes for names. Names paint a picture of the character in a medium where we can't use literal images. So, if you were to write your characters without a name, would they act the same? I think mine would.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Back in
I didn't really want to call this post "Back in Black", so you guys can decide what you want the last word of the title to be. I haven't updated this in a week, and I have a feeling that my weekends will be the only time free enough to justify a blog post. I just realized that you can spell 'post' and 'spot' the same way. That's neat.
I'm not really back to where I was before I hit that low last weekend, but I've started to want to write again. Just roleplay posts, things that don't matter. Of course, the only roleplays I want to reply to are the ones I'm waiting on replies from, but feeling like writing is nice. When I think of NaNo, I'm no longer apathetic about it. It's going to be hard this year with all of my classes, standardized tests, and thinking about college, but I'm going to do it. I wrote 20,000 words in something like forty hours last year while I was sick; I can find the time to write 1,667 words between school and homework.
Speaking of NaNo, my ideas keep proliferating. So it's not just Gunmetal Gray or When the Storm Birds Fly anymore. I can't decide if I should be happy about this or exasperated, so I'll be happily exasperated.
Finished The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson last night. Awesome book.
Everyone should check it out.
I'm not really back to where I was before I hit that low last weekend, but I've started to want to write again. Just roleplay posts, things that don't matter. Of course, the only roleplays I want to reply to are the ones I'm waiting on replies from, but feeling like writing is nice. When I think of NaNo, I'm no longer apathetic about it. It's going to be hard this year with all of my classes, standardized tests, and thinking about college, but I'm going to do it. I wrote 20,000 words in something like forty hours last year while I was sick; I can find the time to write 1,667 words between school and homework.
Speaking of NaNo, my ideas keep proliferating. So it's not just Gunmetal Gray or When the Storm Birds Fly anymore. I can't decide if I should be happy about this or exasperated, so I'll be happily exasperated.
Finished The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson last night. Awesome book.
Everyone should check it out.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Now's Not the Time
I don't believe in Writer's Block.
Usually, I get Writer's ADD. I want to write too many things at once.
Right now I couldn't give a damn if I wrote anything. This is what I call Writer's Apathy. I'm trying to work my way through it, but I feel like I've lost the spark for writing. Nothing's really exciting right now. I look at my stories and I see characters that need to be written, plots so riddled with holes they wouldn't hold water. Let alone a reader's attention.
I don't know. Hopefully, this will pass. In the mean time, I'll listen to more Daughtry and read ahead in my history textbook.
Usually, I get Writer's ADD. I want to write too many things at once.
Right now I couldn't give a damn if I wrote anything. This is what I call Writer's Apathy. I'm trying to work my way through it, but I feel like I've lost the spark for writing. Nothing's really exciting right now. I look at my stories and I see characters that need to be written, plots so riddled with holes they wouldn't hold water. Let alone a reader's attention.
I don't know. Hopefully, this will pass. In the mean time, I'll listen to more Daughtry and read ahead in my history textbook.
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